I watched an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm recently where Larry David fired his business manager because he found out that he had a hot wife. His reasoning was that men who outpunt their coverage must be superficial. In the same episode, Larry invests in a business idea because the inventor has an ugly wife. His thinking is that men with ugly wives are genuine because they look at women for their personalities and character.

If that is indeed the case, the athletes on this short list are very genuine and trustworthy. We’ve heard of men who have outpunted their coverage, here is my starting 5 of athletes who shanked the punt.

Ron Artest’s wife:

She looks like she fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. Good Lord! I’m sure she has a great personality. What is Ron Ron, or Metta World Peace, doing here? I understand that he’s clinically insane, but you can be crazy and still be able to distinguish between beautiful and ugly. My mind can’t even comprehend how this happened. I don’t think anyone has the nerve to tell him that he’s walking a dog. I know I don’t, not to his face at least.

Lamar Odom Kardashian’s wife:

I’m sure many men want to marry a Kardashian, any of them, to get a piece of what they bring to the table financially. However, Lamar Odom is already set financially. This case is baffling as well. Odom was single and a superstar at the same time. You can’t tell me this was the best that he could do. You’re the 6th man of the year in the NBA, you’ve won NBA titles, and you bring home Kloe Kardashian? Kloe is built like Brian Urlacher. What is Lamar doing?

Brady Quinn’s wife:

Would someone please feed this chick. She looks like she belongs at the top of a cheerleading pyramid. Where’d Brady find this girl, on a balance beam? Even backup NFL quarterbacks are entitled to dimes. Why is Brady bringing home a chick straight off the set of Wizard of Oz?

Miguel Cotto’s Wife:

Cotto’s wife is actually a decent looking woman, especially considering the fact that she has already spit out 4 kids. Here’s the problem, go to Puerto Rico and look at all of the beautiful Latinas that inhabit that tiny tropical island. Cotto is also boxing’s King of New York. There are plenty of dime pieces walking around that melting pot of beautiful women. Cotto is classic case of getting married too young. I believe Miguel tied the knot and started having kids in his teenage years. With his current stardom and Boricua women throwing themselves at him, I’m sure he thinks about what could have been. Maybe his love for his wife and his 4 kids outweighs the women who are out on the free market, but I’m sure his mind wanders at times.

Doug Christie’s wife:

This chick is crazy. In Toronto, Jackie Christie used to make Doug change in his own separate locker room because she heard Raptors female staffers had access to the team locker room. She used to also accompany her hubby to post game interviews because she didn’t trust the female reporters. If you’re going to be unattractive, you at least have to have a good personality. This girl brings nothing to the table. She looks like Sandra “Pepa” Denton from Salt-N-Pepa, except worse. This is baffling.

Ladies send all of your hate email to j.calixboxing@gmail.com

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