Since it has been brought to my attention by a couple of different people that in the world of twitter and youtube there are a lot of fraudulent “journalists” that spend their time parusing the internet stealing other peoples material. Well on occassion little ol’ me has been the victim of these purpatrators, and a few of my catch phrases has been plagerized. So in an attempt to clear the air and make it official once and for all I decided to put a few of these random blurbs on paper.

Starting with the Sweet science seemed like an appropiate place as any.   While enjoy a strategic match of ring generalship as much as Pauli Mallinaggi, there is no doubt that the casual observer is attracted to the sudden destruction of a knock out.  It takes the perfect execution by one man, and imperfect mistake by the other to create the symmetry of a devestating KO.  So here are jsut a few examples of how I would describe different types of knockouts.

To the list:

The Men in Black:
When the loosing fighter loses all recolection of the fight and the 7 week training camp leading up to it. In fact he may or may not remember his child hood.  Look here as Ricky Hatton was more out of it then that time he went on 3 day coke bender.  I kid, I kid.

The Nyquil treatment:
“The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, best-sleep-you-ever-got-with-a-cold medicine”
A knockout where the defeated fighter defies logic and gets to his feet by the aid of his corner.  Look here as my dude, the Motor City Cobra, puts his fist through the to the other side of the great Roberto Duran’s head.  Rumor was after this fight Roberto couldn’t remember spanish. 

The Crypt walk aka The drunken uncle (shot out to Billy):
Everybody has that one uncle that always drinks too much at family gatherings. He seems to always make a scene and starts a shouting match by either talking about your one cousin that is a little slow, or your great aunt’s facial hair. And the best thing about this uncle is watching him stumble his way to the car after he decides to finally leave. He doesn’t walk as much as he wobbles.

Well this drunk uncle is one of the most memorable Ko’s in boxing history. If you are somehow just seeing this for the first time please take note of how Zab’s left knee bends straight back on the knockdown. And as he quickly rises to his feet, he looks like he is trying to walk in an earthquake and goes back to the mat in a heap of dizziness. Zab’s first problem was backing up straight with his left hand low. His second was not taking his time and getting up before he had full control over his ACL.

“Put em in a body bag.”
Everyone over 30 has seen the 80’s cult classic Karate Kid. And almost everyone’s favorite scene in the movie is when the ageless Ralph Macchio is fighting one of the best kids from the evil dojo, and one of the bad kids (we know he’s bad because he wears all black) screams out: “Put em in a body bag Johnny.” Watch here as Roy Jones, long before he was a human pineta, was arguably the greatest fighter of his generation, delivers his signature kidney shot. Virgil Hill is still pissing purple to this day.

The Exorcist treatment:
The scariest movie I have seen to this day is the Exorcist. Not the bad remake, but the original. It came out in the early 80’s and remember watching the first half of it by myself at my Aunt’s house in Tulsa Oklahoma. I was a young kid and somehow my family left me in the “TV” room by myself. I was too petrified to even stand up and leave the room. I just stared at the television in horror hoping the VHS tape would skip, or someone would come in the room looking for me. The freakiest part of the film was when the possessed little white girls head spun all the way around. Looking back on it now, the special effects look like something from a Matty Rich film, but that day in 1980 somehting, by myself, it scared the hell out of me.

Watch here as, fresh off an Ocean 11 appearance, Lennox Lewis ,in the beautiful South Africa, gets the Exorcist treatment and damn near gets his head spun around by the one and only Hasim Rahman. I still don’t get how his braid pony tail stayed attached to his dome.

Weekend at Bernies:
You all remember that horrific film about some rich guy being dead and that one actor from St Elmo’s fire pushed him around his machine party in a wheel chair acting as if he was still alive? Well when you have a fighter in the ring that is for all purposes dead, but only survived by muscle memory and sheer pride, he is A weekend at Bernies. There is no better example of Mike Tyson vs. Larry Holmes. In round 4 we all knew Larry’s career and life were in severe danger. Mike literally punched Larry around the ring. I am amazed MIke didn’t get dizzy from going in so many circles. Larry, while a great champion, tried to avoid the inevitable as long as he could. But even the veteran champion couldn’t hold on 6 more seconds.

One hitter quitter:
You ever meet a girl, probably in Vegas or Miami, that is cute but wears a tad bit too much make up, and has a really annoying laugh? But the fact that she is well into her 3rd long island, and has her own room, and is recently divorced, and not to mention is filling out that short black dress like a ……. you make your move.  Well one thing leads to another and the next morning there you are texting people telling them to call you ASAP so you have an excuse not to take her to breakfast?  You only remember her first name, and you lied and told her you are’t on facebook? Yeah well she is a one hitter quitter. And so too was this Mike Tyson classic. Peep how the Ready for the World shag in the back swings in the wind.

The Avatar: (courtesy of my man @dstyleboxing of www.ropeadoperaio.com fame)
You know that blank lifeless face the Avatar’s made when the machine was unplugged? Well…Take a look at Mr. Paul Williams after Sergio timed him up perfect…


 

Any to add?

Follow us on Twitter at: @Halestormsports

And check us out live on the air for Halestorm Sports Radio presents The Joe Calix Show

 

 

Related posts:

  1. KNOCKOUT OF THE YEAR? High schoolers scrap it out. With all apologies to Sergio Martinez this may be the...